J.White's Alexander Chapbook - 1746-1769

"Alexander and the King of Egypt" [J.White] (n.d.)


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Context:
Location: Newcastle, Northumberland, England (NZ2564)
Year: 1746 to 1769
Time of Occurrence: Christmas
Collective Name: Mummers

Source:

[Anon.]
Alexander and the King of Egypt. A Mock Play, as it is acted by the
Newcastle, J.White, [1746-1769]


Cast: (Click on any name for the character name index.)
Text:

{Enter Alexander}

{Alexander Speeks.}

Alexander

Silence, brave gentlemen : if you will give an Eye,
Alexander is my name, I'll sing the tragedy;
A ramble here I took, the country for to see,
Three Actors hear I've brought so far from Italy;
The first I do present, he is a noble king,
He's just come from the wars, good tidings he doth bring.
The next that doth come in, he is a doctor good,
Had it not been for him, I'd surely lost my blood.
Old Dives is the next, a miser you may see,
Who by lending of his gold, is come to poverty.
So, gentlemen, you see four actors will go round,
Stand of a little while, more pastime shall be found.

{Enter Actors}

Alexander

Room, room, brave gallants, give us room to sport,
For in this room we have a mind to resort,
Resort, and to repeat to you our merry rhyme,
For remember, good sirs, this is Christmas time;
The time to cut up goose pies now does appear,
So we are come to act our merry mirth here :
At the sounding of the trumpet, and beating of the drum,
Make room, brave gentlemen and let our actors come,
We are the merry actors that traverses the street;
We are the merry actors that fight for our meat;
We are the merry actors that shew the pleasent play,
Step in, thou king of Egypt, and clear the way.

King of Egypt

I am the king of Egypt, as plainly does appear,
And prince George he is my only son and heir:
Step in, therefore my son, and act they part with me.
And shew forth thy praise before the company.

Prince George

I am prince George, a champion brave and bold.
for with my spear I've won three crowns of gold;
'Twas I that brought the dragon to the slaughter,
And I that gain'd the Egyptian monarch's daughter,
In Egypt's fields I prisoner long was kept,
But by my valour I from them soon 'scap'd :
I sounded at the gate of a divine,
And out came a giant of no good design,
He gave me a blow, which almost struck me dead,
But I up with my sword and did cut off his head.

Alexander

Hold, Slacker, hold, pray do not be so hot,
For on this spot thou knowest not who thou's got;
'Tis I that's to hash thee and smash thee, as small as flies,
And send thee to Satan to make minch pies;
Minch pies hot, minch pies cold,
I'll send thee to Satan e're thou be three days old,
But hold, prince George, before thou go away,
Either thou or I must die this bloody day;
Some mortal wound thou shalt receive by me,
So let is fight it out most man-fully.

{Exeunt}

{Alexander and prince George fight, the latter is wounded and falls.}

{King of Egypt speaks.}

King of Egypt

Curs'd christian, what is this thou hast done?
Thou hast ruin'd me by killing my best son.

Alexander

He gave me challenge, why should I him deny
How high he was but see how low he lies.

King of Egypt

O Sambo! Sambo! help me now,
For I never was in more need;
For thou to stand with sword in hand,
And to fight at my command.

Doctor

Yes, my liege, I will thee obey,
And by my sword I hope to win the day;
Yonder stands he who has kill'd my master's son,
I'll try if he be sprung from royal blood,
And through his body make an ocean flood,
Gentlemen, you see my sword point is broke,
Or else, I'd run it down that villain throat.

King of Egypt

Is there never a doctor to be found,
That can cure my son of his deadly wound.

Doctor

Yeas there is a doctor to be found,
That can cure your son of this deadly wound.

King of Egypt

What diseases can he cure?

Doctor

All diseases both within and without,
Especially the itch, pox, palsy and the gout :
Come in you ugly, nasty, dirty whore,
Whose age is threescore years or more,
Whose nose and face stands all awry.
I'll make her very fitting to pass by
I'll give a coward a heart if he be willing,
Will make him stand without fear of killing :
And any man that's got a scolding spoose,
That wearies him with living in his house;
I'll ease him of his complaint and make her civil,
Or else I'll send her headlong to the devil.
Ribs, legs, or armes, when any's broken, I'm sure
I presently of them will make a cure;
If you should break your neck, I'll cure't a gain.
So hear's a doctor rare,
who Travels much at home!
Here take my pills.
I cure all Ills,
past present, and to come.
I in my time many thousands have directed,
And likewise have as many more dissected,
To cure the love-sick maids, like me there's none,
For with two of my pills the job I've done;
I take her home and rubs her o'er and o'er,
Then if she dies ne'er believe me more.
To cure your son, good sir, I do fear not,
With this small bottle, which by me I've got;
The balsam is the best which it contains,
Rise up, my good Prince George, and tumble down a gain.

{Prince George arises.}

{Prince George speaks.}

Prince George

O Horrible! terrible! the like was never seen,
A man drove out of seven sences into fifteen;
And out of fifteen into fourscore,
O horrible! terrible! the like was ne'er before.

Alexander

Thou silly ass that lives by grass, dost thou abuse a stranger,
I live in hopes to buy new ropes, and tie thy to the manger.

Prince George

Sir unto you I bend.

Alexander

Stand of thou slave, I think the not my friend.

Prince George

A slave, Sir! that is for me by far too base a name,
That word deserves to stab thy honour's fame.

Alexander

To be stab'd, sir, is the least of all my care,
Appoint your time and place, I'll meet you there.

Prince George

I'll cross the water at the hour of five.

Alexander

I'll meat you there, Sir if I be a live.

Prince George

But stop, sir - I'd wish you to a wafe, both lnsty and young,
She can talk both Duch, French and the Italian tongue.

Alexander

I'll have none such.

Prince George

Why, dont you love your learning?

Alexander

Yes I love my learning as I do my life,
I love a learned scholar, but not a learned wife.
Stand off, had I as many Hussians, Schusians, chairs and stools,
As you have had sweet-hearts, boys, girls, and fools;
I love a woman, and a woman loves me,
And when I want a fool I'll send for thee.

King of Egypt

Sir, to express thy beauty, I am no able,
For thy face shines like the very kitchen table;
Thy teeth are no whiter than the charcoal,
And thy breath stinks like the devil's a-se h-le.

Alexander

Stand off, thou dirty dog, for by my sword thou's die,
I'll make thy body full of holes, and cause thy buttons flie.

{Exeunt}

{King of Egypt fights and is killed.}

{Enter Prince George}

Prince George

Oh! what is here? Oh! what is to be done?
Our king is slain, the crown is likewise gone;
Take up the body bear it hence away,
For in this place no longer shall it stay.

{The conclusion}

Bounser buckler, velvet's dear,
And Christmas comes but once a year;
Thought when it comes, it brings good chear,
But farewell Christmas once a year.
Farewell, farewel, adieu! frindship and unity.
I hope we have made sport and pleas'd the company;
But, gentlemen, you see we're but young actors four,
We've done the best we can, and the best can do no more.

{Finis}


Notes:

This is text Ref. Wh in M.J.Preston, M.G.Smith & P.S.Smith's (1977) study of the "Alexander and the King of Egypt" chapbooks.


File History:
1st Jan.1995 - Entered by Peter Millington
25th Mar.1997 - File named by Peter Millington

The recommended URL for this web page is www.folkplay.info/Texts/74nz26wh.htm
Last generated on 26/12/2007 by P.Millington (Peter.Millington1@virgin.net)