The "Plough Jacks’" Play from Kirmington, Lincs. - 1923

R.J.E.Tiddy (1923) pp.254-257


Folk Play Home Scripts Intro County List Class List Characters

Context:
Location: Kirmington, Lincolnshire, England (TA1011)
Year: Publ. 1923
Time of Occurrence: Xmas
Collective Name: Plough Jacks

Source:

R.J.E.Tiddy
The Mummers' Play
Oxford, University Press, 1923, pp.254-257


Cast: (Click on any name for the character name index.)
Text:

Fool

Good evening ladies and gentlemen,
I have come to give you a bold call
As Xmas is a merry time I have come to see you all
I hope you won't be offended for what I've got to say -
Presently there will be some more boys and girls
come tripping along this way-
Some can whistle and some can sing
By your consent they will come in -
Hookam, Spookam, Spankam and Spain
In comes the Sergeant of the same.

Sergeant

In comes I the recruiting Sergeant, arriving here just now
I have come to list all those who can follow horse cart or plough
Tinkers, tailors, pedlers nailers, all at my advance.

Fool

Is there anything else at your advance?

Sergeant

Yes my advance
Is to see a fool dance
Either dance sing or play
Or I will shortly march away.

Fool

One day I tried to stop a pig
And what a lark we had Sir
The pig says 'umph' and away he went
Right through my stunning legs Sir -

Sergeant

Do you call that singing?

Fool

Yes, plenty good enough for a man like you -

Sergeant

I can sing better than that myself

Music Jack

In comes I old music Jack
'I'll give you a tune before I go back.'

Indian King

Ware out my lads, let me come in
For I'm the Chap they call Indian King
They have been seeking me to slay
But I'm here this very day
I fought the fiery dragon and brought it to the slaughter,
And by those means I won King George's daughter.

Sergeant

Slaughter, Slaughter, no more to be said,
For in one instant I'll fetch off your head.

Indian King

How can'st thou fetch off mine head?
My head is made of iron and my body of steel,
My limbs are made of knuckle bone, I challenge thee to feel.

Sergeant

'Slaughter'

{He knocks down Indian King.}

Fool

Five pounds for a doctor.

Sergeant

Ten to stop away -

Fool

Fifteen, he must come on a case like this.

Doctor

In comes I the Doctor.

Fool

How came you to be a doctor?

Doctor

I travelled for it
from bedside to fireside
and from fireside to my mother's cupboard
that's where I get all my pork pies and sausages from: -

Fool

But can you cure this man ?

Doctor

Yes, certainly, take hold of my bottle and stick
While I feel this man's pulse -

{Feels his stomach.}

Fool

Is that where a man's pulse lies?

Doctor

Yes, it is the strongest part of a man's body
he 's not dead but in a trance,
he's swallowed a horse and cart and can't get rid of the wheels -
Jump up Jack and we'll have a dance.

{Sergeant's Song.}

Sergeant

Come, my lads it's time for listing -
Listing do not be afraid -
You shall have all kind of liquor
Likewise kiss the pretty maid.

Lady

I am a lady bright and fair
My fortune is my charms
It's true that I've been borne away
Out of my dear lover's arms,
He promised for to marry me
As you will understand,
He listed for a soldier
And went into foreign land.

{Sergeant's Song.}

Sergeant

Madam, I've got gold and silver
Madam I've got house and land
Madam I've got world and treasure,
Everything at thy command -

Lady

What care I for your gold and silver
What care I for your house and land
What care I for your world and treasure
All I want is a nice young man.

Bold Tom

In comes Bold Tom a brisk and nimble fellow
Forty gallons of your best ale will make us nice and mellow.
A piece of your pork pie. For believing me I'm telling no lie
For we're all hungry as well as dry.

Lame Jane

In comes I lame Jane,
with a neck as long as a crane -
Once I was a young maid -
now I'm a down old widow -
A wig behind and a wig before
Ware out my lads and I'll sweep the floor.

Fool

O. I'm the nice young man you want, Miss -
Friends I've come to invite you to me and my wife's wedding -
and that which you like best you'll have to bring with you
for we are going to have a leg of a louse and a lock fried,
a barley chaff dumpling buttered with wool,
and those who can't nag it will have it to pull -
The tail chine of a cockerel
and 18 gallons of your best butter milk to rinse all down. -
Sing about lads while I draw stakes.

{Last Song.}

[All]

Good master and good mistress
As you sit round your fire
Remember us poor plough boys
Who plough the muck and mire.
The muck it is so nasty
The mire it is so near
We thank you for civility
For what you've given us here.
We wish you a merry Xmas
And a Happy New Year.
Good master and good mistress
You see our fool's gone out
We make it our ability
To follow him about


Notes:

Indexer's Notes:

According to Tiddy's editor R.S.T., this text was not from Tiddy's own collection. It's provenance is not given.

Scanned text downloaded from http://members.tripod.co.uk/Sandmartyn/ploug02.htm


File History:
1999 - Scanned by Martin Collins
11/09/1999 - Encoded by Peter Millington

The recommended URL for this web page is www.folkplay.info/Texts/92ta11tr.htm
Last generated on 26/12/2007 by P.Millington (Peter.Millington1@virgin.net)