Waterstock, Oxfordshire play - 1914

R.J.E.Tiddy (1923) pp.206-208


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Context:
Location: Waterstock, Oxon., England (SP6305)
Year: Col. 1914
Time of Occurrence: Christmas
Collective Name: [Not given]

Source:

R.J.E.Tiddy
The Mummers' Play
Oxford, Clarendon Press, 1923, pp.206-208


Cast: (Click on any name for the character name index.)
Text:

Foreman

Make room, make room, my boys and gals,
and give me room to rise,{Note 1}
for 'tis a time and 'tis a time
and 'tis a jolly old Christmas time.
I'll have none of your aggling, straggling sorts of ways,
or none of your royal fame,
for I've travelled through England, through France and through Spain,
and now I've come to my own country again,
and if you do n't believe just what I say,
step in King George and clear the way.

King George

I am King George this noble knight
who lost my blood by English fight,
and that's the reason why I carries this dangerous weapon.

{King George waves his sword in the air.}

Captain Slasher

I am a valiant soldier bold, Captain Slasher is my name,
sword and buckle by my side I hope to win the day.

King George

Captain Slasher don't you be too hot
for in this room you don't know who you've got
so mind your head and guard your blows,
and likewise also your great long nose.

Captain Slasher

A battle, a battle betwixt you and I
to see which on the ground shall lie.

{They pretend to fight with swards and King George falls down.}

Foreman

Docter, Docter where be thee
King George is wounded through the knee,
docter, docter play thy part
King George is wounded through the heart.
5 would I give for a jolly docter
if he were but here this night.

{The Doctor comes into the room.}

Doctor

Sir, here am I.

Foreman

Where do you come from.

Doctor

Fortnight beyond the leather windmill,
where they dags {Note 2} ducks, shears owls,
leads blind geese to water in timber chains,
frogs hedging, toads ditching,
cabbage grows bottom upwards about the size of beans,
ring-tailed monkeys and the bob-tailed bow,
dead donkey kicked a blind man's eyes out,
old doman sets up in one corner
sifting butter-milk for young donkeys,
live lion stuffed with beanstraw,
an all they sort of things.

Foreman

Have you come all that way to-night?

Doctor

Yes, sir, upon a little pony knocked me
cock-tailed without are a crupper.

Foreman

What deceases can you cure?

Doctor

All sorts of deceases
just what my physic pleases,
hard corns, soft corns, blood corns
hilth pitth {Note 3} palsy and the gout,
pain within and a pain without,
if the very old un's in him I'll fetch e out.
Bring {Note 4} to me a old woman 7 years Dead
eight years Burried
9 years laid in her grave
I'll guarantee her life
and I'll cure this young man if he's not quite Dead

Foreman

What s your pay

Doctor

five pounds my pay
but five pound ten I'll have out of thee
before I set this man free

Foreman

set to work Jack

Doctor

this man got the Toothache very Bad
give me my Pliers raming Bottel Box of Pills.

{Doctor draws tooth}

look at the twangs of that small tooth
nough to ruin any man.
here Jack take it and fry it for your supper.
I shan't that have got a maggot in
take one of these pills Jack
if that won't do e no good I don't know whall ull
put your rip-rap
into my snip-snap,
rise up King George and fight again.

King George

Terrible terrible life was never seen,
nough to ruin a man out of his seven senses into his seventeen.

Captain Slasher

E, silly ass lived upon grass
come so far to view a stranger,
lives in hopes to buy some rope
to tie your great long nose up to a manger.

King George

What makes your nose look so red ?

Captain Slasher

You drink a drop more bread and cheese
and eat a bit more beer,
your nose'll look redder than that is now.

Foreman

Come in, Jack Finney.

Jack Finney

My name ent Jack Finney nor John Finney:
my name 's Mr Finney man of great fame
bred and born at Thame,
come to do more than you or any man can do.

Foreman

What can you do?

Jack Finney

Cure a magpie with the toothache.

Foreman

How do you do that?

Jack Finney

Cut its head off and through its body in the ditch.

Foreman

Fine cure that is, come in Mr Finney.

Jack Finney

In comes I as ant been it
with my great head and little wit,
my head so big, my wit so small
I'll do my duty to please you all.
My father killed a great fat hog
and this you may plainly see,
for this is the old bladder
out of his old hurdy gurdy gee.

Foreman

Jack, will you sell your bladder?

Jack Finney

No for if I do I shall go mad
for many a battle have me and my old bladder had.

{Yankee Doodle. (Note 5)}


Notes:

1. rise is crossed out and over it is written in pencil the word rhyme.

2. The letter y in thay and the s in days are pencilled additions.

3. There is an e inserted in pencil between the words hilth and pitth and these words are broken by vertical strokes in pencil, thus: hil/th pit/th

4. The passage from Bring to the down to the Box of pills inclusive, is unlike the rest of the manuscript, apparently written by an old but fairly well educated man.

5. Evidently the concluding song.

Scanned text downloaded from http://members.tripod.co.uk/Sandmartyn/mum17.htm


File History:
1999 - Scanned by Martin Collins
13/06/1999 - Encoded by Peter Millington

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